I suppose this awful feeling I have going on right now is frustration. Just frustration. But it's a complicated, delicate, layered frustration that originates from something I treasure beyond gold: my mom. Well, that is not to say she is the cause for my frustration. The world just happens to work in such a way that me going away to college and her wanting me to stay and me wanting to have all the freedom life can offer and she trying to knock some reality into my thick skull isn't something easily dealt with.
Maybe it's a combination of problems that has me so overwhelmed. Maybe there are no problems and that, in itself, is a problem. Oh, gosh. I don't know. I'm stuck in neutral, but I want to drive. I want to leave my past in the dust. Yet, I want to sit in my car with the windows down and listen to the frogs and crickets that kept me awake in my bed night after night from my earliest years until now.
Ugh. Then again, I've always been sheltered and given boundaries. Sometimes I didn't need boundaries because I wasn't even given the space for them. And now? Now I can taste life outside my little Rapunzel tower. No. I can smell it. That's the problem. It's so close. Too close.
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